Dream from Nikki White…
In my dream I’ve killed people, chopped them up, and dumped the bodies in garbage bags. Someone (unknown to me in real life) is egging me on to do these things and taping it. He is wearing thick black rimmed glasses. I feel a lot of anxiety in my dream around being caught, wanting to stop, but not wanting to disappoint my “friend” who is taping me. I also feel a little confused, in my dream, about how I started doing these things. News of the bodies is on the TV and I tell the “friend” that I want to stop and tell someone I’m guilty, but he won’t let me. Then I wake up. I’ve forgotten a lot of the organization of the dream but I’ve been thinking about it all day. I was horrified when I woke up.
The feeling of anxiety, or “impending doom,” is kind of familiar to me (i.e. being caught, telling someone bad news that you know won’t go over well, or disappointing someone). I’ve felt a lot of anxiety within the last year, and I’m seeing a therapist about it. It comes and goes. I get panic-like symptoms sometimes, not panic attacks, at seemingly random times. The guy in my dream felt a little scary to me. I think at first I liked him, but after a while I felt a lot of pressure from him to continue doing the horrible things I was doing, even though I wanted to report myself.
I’m in a dual degree masters program (2 degrees in 3 years). I’m currently studying for a comprehensive exam for one degree (I will hopefully graduate in May). I study child development and clinical social work. I love children. Although I work in a bar part time, I really don’t like it and it’s distressing to have to spend my weekends there. I’m a pretty social person. I have a good social support system of friends and family. My interests are in the martial arts, infant studies, psychology. I’m in a steady relationship with my live-in boyfriend. We hope to move to California together when I finish my two year program. Born 9th October, 1986.